Kailash

I had begun my search for truth and meaning in life from a very early age, for which I’m very grateful to God. I did my schooling in Saudi Arabia. I remember coming back home from school one day and wondering why I was anxious and uneasy. I tried to analyse everything about that day – did I have a fight with someone today? No. Did my teacher scold me? No. Was I failing as a student? Not at all, I was the section topper and head boy! And yet, I felt incomplete. There was no answer to my predicament. Life was heavenly on the outside, and the darkest hell on the inside.

One certain morning, I woke up to the traditional bhajans being played on the stereo we had at home. There was a Krishna bhajan which I loved especially. After listening to it, as I got up to go, amidst the golden rays of the morning sunshine permeating my home, a gigantic wave of joy descended on me. I was rooted to the spot, unable to move. Every pore of my being was filled with a divine joy that I cannot really describe in words. There was no equal to it on the planet. It lasted for about five seconds and then vanished, leaving me in a pool of sorrow.

Years later, in India, I came upon a large blue book, written by a certain Paramhansa Yogananda. I turned over to the back cover to look at his photo, and what happened next defined my life. Staring at his eyes, I felt a majestic power and divinity radiate from them, piercing me and changing my consciousness. There was truth written all over his face, and my intuition kept telling me, “You know God. You have to know God!” Inwardly I felt, he is my Guru. I had seen him for the first time, yet I felt I had known him forever.

Once I came back to Saudi, I searched up “Autobiography of a Yogi” on the internet. Voila! The whole book was published online for free, by ‘Ananda Sangha’. Reading that book changed my entire perspective. When I thought about Yogananda, sharp current-like joy flashed through me, similar to the joy I had felt back then. It took years before I was ready to take Kriya Yoga from ‘Ananda’, but I knew God was guiding my path. ‘Ananda’ was what I was after, and ‘Ananda’ is where God took me to.

I realized over time that my sole purpose in this life was to be a good disciple. Everything else was just fillers. Divine Mother was whispering to me, “I had given you a taste of Joy. Seek me steadfastly through the Guru I have sent you, and you will find an infinitely greater ocean of joy awaiting you, to be yours for eternity!” When I came to Ananda, I realized that this was Her message for all Her devotees.